Emotional Rollercoaster

When I set out to write this blog, (about five days ago) I was in a GOOD place! But, my computer had other ideas, so I simply drafted my entry in Word and planned to copy and paste on a better “computer behavior” day.

Inserting my overly optimistic blog entry here:

This morning, I had an epiphany and the next words immediately came to mind:

“Your name is being mentioned in rooms your feet haven’t entered yet. God is going to do something amazing in your life. Keep moving forward.”

I’ve seen this saying a few times in the new year. Each time, I’ve felt a distant appreciation for the words, if not a slight curiosity – wondering if that could ever be true for my life.

But when I opened my email this morning, a message from a dear friend and fellow writer was waiting; sharing how she’d positioned me to have no less than 45 minutes, one on one, with a very accomplished literary agent in the near future. In that moment, the quote immediately came to mind. I began thanking God, tears instantly streaming. My name was being spoken in that room, through God’s favor, bringing me this opportunity.

Then I realized this wasn’t the first time God’s spoken my name this week…

Yesterday, I got a text message from a very accomplished writing friend who had a lead for me on a literary agent. She could have put that information out to all the world…but she didn’t. She sent it to me (and one other dear friend). Yesterday, my name was in that room. 

I felt immediately jovial, with a sense of validation on one hand and truly favored on the other. I ran to my computer and followed up on that lead and instantly felt hopeful: a hope unlike I’ve felt in sometime. A hope, perhaps, I haven’t allowed myself to feel for a long while now.

And what’s more…earlier this week, a very accomplished mentor/teacher of mine was kind enough to think of me in her conversations with her editor. She went on to share with me some insight into one of my stories, based upon her conversations. My name was in that room, too, and now I’ve got a fresh wave of creativity flowing that may lead to a series of picture books!

I’m feeling so blessed right now and I just wanted to share it with you. Now, here’s to believing that one of these leads or divine appointments will help elevate me to that next level in my career.

Now, here we are a handful of days later, and if you’d asked me yesterday, I would’ve said I was on the brink of giving up, all-together.

What in the world happened in those five days, you’re wondering? Nothing much, really. And that’s my problem. Yesterday I felt like screaming: I’M TIRED OF WAITING!

I got a near-instant rejection from that “jovial” opportunity I mentioned above. That sent me mentally spiraling about the merit of my story, among other things. All of that hope and confidence I felt last week suddenly whooshed out of me like a balloon animal soaring across the room after the clown lost his grip.

Now here we are, plenty of good things on the horizon (contests, conferences, one on ones) and I’m trying to focus on that and not my career’s apparent stall pattern.

One really wonderful thing did happen yesterday: a friend/mentor had her debut books release: two board books from a series called Baby Virtues. Boy oh boy did that “Baby Hope” board book hit HARD last night. Sobbing ensued. I’m so glad I now have that book to turn to when I’m feeling deflated and low on hope.

Fortunately, my negative emotions always pass, eventually – I’m just so grateful you’re on this emotional rollercoaster with me!

Featured Image: Me and Jemma at the Pioneer Woman Mercantile Bakery in mid-January on our family “food vacation.”